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Chapter XXXIV
The next morning, our money being at an end, Paddy and I set out for
the spike. We went southward by the Old Kent Road, making for Cromley; we
could not go to a London spike, for Paddy had been in one recently and did
not care to risk going again. It was a sixteen-mile walk over asphalt,
blistering to the heels, and we were acutely hungry. Paddy browsed the
pavement, laying up a store of cigarette ends against his time in the
spike. In the end his perseverance was rewarded, for he picked up a penny.
We bought a large piece of stale bread, and devoured it as we walked.
When we got to Cromley, it was too early to go to the spike, and we
walked several miles farther, to a plantation beside a meadow, where one
could sit down. It was a regular caravanserai of tramps--one could tell
it by the worn grass and the sodden newspaper and rusty cans that they had
left behind. Other tramps were arriving by ones and twos. It was jolly
autumn weather. Near by, a deep bed of tansies was growing; it seems to me
that even now I can smell the sharp reek of those tansies, warring with the
reek of tramps. In the meadow two carthorse colts, raw sienna colour with
white manes and tails, were nibbling at a gate. We. sprawled about on the
ground, sweaty and exhausted. Someone managed to find dry sticks and get a
fire going, and we all had milkless tea out of a tin 'drum' which was
passed round.
Some of the tramps began telling stories. One of them, Bill, was an
interesting type, a genuine sturdy beggar of the old breed, strong as
Hercules and a frank foe of work. He boasted that with his great strength
he could get a nawying job any time he liked, but as soon as he drew his
first week's wages he went on a terrific drunk and was sacked. Between
whiles he 'mooched', chiefly from shopkeepers. He talked like this:
'I ain't goin' far in--Kent. Kent's a tight county, Kent is. There's
too many bin' moochin' about 'ere. The--bakers get so as they'll throw
their bread away sooner'n give it you. Now Oxford, that's the place for
moochin', Oxford is. When I was in Oxford I mooched bread, and I mooched
bacon, and I mooched beef, and every night I mooched tanners for my kip off
of the students. The last night I was twopence short of my kip, so I goes
up to a parson and mooches 'im for threepence. He give me threepence, and
the next moment he turns round and gives me in charge for beggin'. "You bin
beggin'," the copper says. "No I ain't," I says, "I was askin' the
gentleman the time," I says. The copper starts feelin' inside my coat, and
he pulls out a pound of meat and two loaves of bread. "Well, what's all
this, then?" he says. "You better come 'long to the station," he says. The
beak give me seven days. I don't mooch from no more--parsons. But Christ!
what do I care for a lay-up of seven days?' etc. etc.
It seemed that his whole life was this--a round of mooching, drunks,
and lay-ups. He laughed as he talked of it, taking it all for a tremendous
joke. He looked as though he made a poor thing out of begging, for he wore
only a corduroy suit, scarf, and cap--no socks or linen. Still, he was
fat and jolly, and he even smelt of beer, a most unusual smell in a tramp
nowadays.
Two of the tramps had been in Cromley spike recently, and they told a
ghost story connected with it. Years earlier, they said, there had been a
suicide there. A tramp had managed to smuggle a razor into his cell, and
there cut his throat. In the morning, when the Tramp Major came round, the
body was jammed against the door, and to open it they had to break the dead
man's arm. In revenge for this, the dead man haunted his cell, and anyone
who slept there was certain to die within the year; there were copious
instances, of course. If a cell door stuck when you tried to open it, you
should avoid that cell like the plague, for it was the haunted one.
Two tramps, ex-sailors, told another grisly story. A man (they swore
they had known him) had planned to stow away on a boat bound for Chile. It
was laden with manufactured goods packed in big wooden crates, and with the
help of a docker the stowaway had managed to hide himself in one of these.
But the docker had made a mistake about the order in which the crates were
to be loaded. The crane gripped the stowaway, swung him aloft, and
deposited him--at the very bottom of the hold, beneath hundreds of
crates. No one discovered what had happened until the end of the voyage,
when they found the stowaway rotting, dead of suffocation.
Another tramp told the story of Gilderoy, the Scottish robber.
Gilderoy was the man who was condemned to be hanged, escaped, captured the
judge who had sentenced him, and (splendid fellow!) hanged him. The tramps
liked the story, of course, but the interesting thing was to see that they
had got it all wrong. Their version was that Gilderoy escaped to America,
whereas in reality he was recaptured and put to death. The story had been
amended, no doubt deliberately; just as children amend the stories of
Samson and Robin Hood, giving them happy endings which are quite imaginary.
This set the tramps talking about history, and a very old man declared
that the 'one bite law' was a survival from days when the nobles hunted men
instead of deer. Some of the others laughed at him, but he had the idea
firm in his head. He had heard, too, of the Corn Laws, and the JUS PRIMAE
NOCTIS (he believed it had really existed); also of the Great Rebellion,
which he thought was a rebellion of poor against rich--perhaps he had got
it mixed up with the peasant rebellions. I doubt whether the old man could
read, and certainly he was not repeating newspaper articles. His scraps of
history had been passed from generation to generation of tramps, perhaps
for centuries in some cases. It was oral tradition lingering on, like a
faint echo from the Middle Ages.
Paddy and I went to the spike at six in the evening, getting out at
ten in the morning. It was much like Romton and Edbury, and we saw nothing
of the ghost. Among the casuals were two young men named William and Fred,
ex-fishermen from Norfolk, a lively pair and fond of singing. They had a
song called 'Unhappy Bella' that is worth writing down. I heard them sing
it half a dozen times during the next two days, and I managed to get it by
heart, except a line or two which I have guessed. It ran:
Bella was young and Bella was fair
With bright blue eyes and golden hair,
O unhappy Bella!
Her step was light and her heart was gay,
But she had no sense, and one fine day
She got herself put in the family way
By a wicked, heartless, cruel deceiver.
Poor Bella was young, she didn't believe
That the world is hard and men deceive,
O unhappy Bella!
She said, 'My man will do what's just,
He'll marry me now, because he must';
Her heart was full of loving trust
In a wicked, heartless, cruel deceiver.
She went to his house; that dirty skunk
Had packed his bags and done a bunk,
O unhappy Bella!
Her landlady said, 'Get out, you whore,
I won't have your sort a-darkening my door.'
Poor Bella was put to affliction sore
By a wicked, heartless, cruel deceiver.
All night she tramped the cruel snows,
What she must have suffered nobody knows,
O unhappy Bella!
And when the morning dawned so red,
Alas, alas, poor Bella was dead,
Sent so young to her lonely bed
By a wicked, heartless, cruel deceiver.
So thus, you see, do what you will,
The fruits of sin are suffering still,
O unhappy Bella!
As into the grave they laid her low,
The men said, 'Alas, but life is so,'
But the women chanted, sweet and low,
'It's all the men, the dirty bastards!'
Written by a woman, perhaps.
William and Fred, the singers of this song, were thorough scallywags,
the sort of men who get tramps a bad name. They happened to know that the
Tramp Major at Cromley had a stock of old clothes, which were to be given
at need to casuals. Before going in William and Fred took off their boots,
ripped the seams and cut pieces off the soles, more or less ruining them.
Then they applied for two pairs of boots, and the Tramp Major, seeing how
bad their boots were, gave them almost new pairs. William and Fred were
scarcely outside the spike in the morning before they had sold these boots
for one and ninepence. It seemed to them quite worth while, for one and
ninepence, to make their own boots practically unwearable.
Leaving the spike, we all started southward, a long slouching
procession, for Lower Binfield and Ide Hill. On the way there was a fight
between two of the tramps. They had quarrelled overnight (there was some
silly CASUS BELLI about one saying to the other, 'Bull shit', which was
taken for Bolshevik--a deadly insult), and they fought it out in a field.
A dozen of us stayed to watch them. The scene sticks in my mind for one
thing--the man who was beaten going down, and his cap falling off and
showing that his hair was quite white. After that some of us intervened and
stopped the fight. Paddy had meanwhile been making inquiries, and found
that the real cause of the quarrel was, as usual, a few pennyworth of food.
We got to Lower Binfield quite early, and Paddy filled in the time by
asking for work at back doors. At one house he was given some boxes to chop
up for firewood, and, saying he had a mate outside, he brought me in and we
did the work together. When it was done the householder told the maid to
take us out a cup of tea. I remember the terrified way in which she brought
it out, and then, losing her courage, set the cups down on the path and
bolted back to the house, shutting herself in the kitchen. So dreadful is
the name of 'tramp'. They paid us sixpence each, and we bought a threepenny
loaf and half an ounce of tobacco, leaving fivepence.
Paddy thought it wiser to bury our fivepence, for the Tramp Major at
Lower Binfield was renowned as a tyrant and might refuse to admit us if we
had any money at all. It is quite a common practice of tramps to bury their
money. If they intend to smuggle at all a large sum into the spike they
generally sew it into their clothes, which may mean prison if they are
caught, of course. Paddy and Bozo used to tell a good story about this. An
Irishman (Bozo said it was an Irishman; Paddy said an Englishman), not a
tramp, and in possession of thirty pounds, was stranded in a small village
where he could not get a bed. He consulted a tramp, who advised him to go
to the workhouse. It is quite a regular proceeding, if one cannot get a bed
elsewhere, to get one at the workhouse, paying a reasonable sum for it. The
Irishman, however, thought he would be clever and get a bed for nothing, so
he presented himself at the workhouse as an ordinary casual. He had sewn
the thirty pounds into his clothes. Meanwhile the tramp who had advised him
had seen his chance, and that night he privately asked the Tramp Major for
permission to leave the spike early in the morning, as he had to see about
a job. At six in the morning he was released and went out--in the
Irishman's clothes. The Irishman complained of the theft, and was given
thirty days for going into a casual ward under false pretences.
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